Subscribe viawith the recent release of anne lamott’s latest non-fiction, some assembly required, i thought i would honor her with a post about the ways that her writing, her way of being, has influenced so many of us.
friend and fellow author, shauna niequist, wrote a fantastic post recently about meeting lamott while she was in shauna’s neighborhood for her book tour. so jealous. (note to anne lamott’s publicist: bahrain is beautiful this time of year!) shauna said that when it was her turn at the table, she told lamott, you changed everything for me.
yes. perfectly said. shauna was speaking for so many of us.
so . . . 10 things i’ve learned from anne lamott . . . hope there’s something in this list you need to hear today that just might change everything, or at least something, for you . . .
1. “we thought they’d be a little more like cats” – AL says that she had assumed having a child would be mostly like having a cat. turns out, the whole motherhood enterprise is much more complicated. i think of this line all the time. how our expectations are so often a world away from reality, especially when it comes to the realities of motherhood. this line makes me feel like i’m not the only one that got blindsided by motherhood in most every way. it also makes me laugh.
2. “sometimes you’re not blocked, you’re empty” – if you are an artist of any kind, or if you are trying to get any kind of large-scale project accomplished, you know that “writer’s block” is always at your heels, that jinxed feeling that the gig is up, and no matter how long you stare at the blank screen, you’ve got nothing. less than nothing. AL reminds me that sometimes the problem isn’t that I’m blocked but that I’m empty. perhaps I need to spend some time filling up again, engaging in the small moments of inspiration that provide energy for the work. a walk outside. a conversation. using ultra fine tip sharpie markers in a journal. rest. etc. this is some of the best advice i have ever heard. instead of trying to push past the block, perhaps the best thing to do is go about filling up.
3. “your self esteem is not going to arrive by email” – in other words, there is no big news coming your way that will deliver a rich inner life. our wholeness doesn’t come from anything “out there.” it is nurtured “in here” . . . through our faith, our community, the work we are doing on ourselves, the work we are allowing Christ to do in us, our art.
4. “there isn’t enough out there” – a follow on to #3. there isn’t enough notoriety, fame, money, self-tanning spray, beautiful clothing, perfect accessories, great hair, teeth whitening, home decor, twitter followers, or book contracts to make me feel worthy. period. my shame is not healed by any kind of success. my shame is healed by something else entirely.
5. “having a child can help you slow down, which is one of the first steps toward paying attention” – love this, though, I will admit a certain level of agony in the slowing down. makes you feel mental, like you are forced to crawl through life stopping to look at every last rock, leaf, ladybug. perhaps AL is saying, yeah, that’s the point.
6. “guilt free afternoons” – we work hard in the morning, getting our writing (or your own equivalent) done and then it is time to play. we do not work always and forever. we work hard when it’s time to work, and then we have a guilt free afternoon. we put the work aside and we enjoy another aspect of life. in other words, we have limits and we need to accept them. time for a glass of prosecco. enjoy it! time for a nap. take it! guilt free.
7. “wearing out the perfectionism” – perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, AL tells us. and she’s so right. it kills us—our creativity, our childlikeness, our freedom. how do we wear out the perfectionism? she says that writing bad first drafts and becoming a mother were two of the things that helped wear out the perfectionism in her. allowing herself to do things poorly, however painful, helped her to just get past the perfect. and, motherhood, for so many reasons, just does not allow perfect in the door. you’re too tired and too spit-up-on to even think perfect visits your neighborhood anymore. this, AL says, is a good thing. good reminder for me today.
8. “publication has nothing for you; the gift is the writing” – i don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a dream or a goal of publication; however, if we are expecting that publication will heal us in some way, then we have gotten it all wrong. the writing, AL says, is where the gift is. publication is not what centers us; the time spent in the chair, reflecting, expressing, telling the truth – this is the gift.
9. “the material knows what it needs to become; create a safe space for it to arrive” – we cannot strangle the good stuff into existence. We must sit down each day, do the work, and believe that the beauty will arrive. especially if we don’t need it to look perfect on arrival, if we can let it evolve and if we can turn off the inner-editor that needs it “just so.” if we can give ourselves permission to let the words and ideas arrive as they will, being diligent to keep track of them when they do show up, magic can happen. bad news: all of this often takes longer than we’d like. and is certainly always much messier than we’d like.
10. “wasting paper; staring off into space” – efficiency is not the way ahead. the way ahead is printing out drafts of our work so we can see it on paper and mark it up, not worrying about how much paper we’re using. the way ahead is staring off into space and letting our subconscious kick in even if we’ve been told that such behavior is a waste of time. efficiency cannot be the #1 priority of the artist. so true.
thanks, AL, for all this and more. keep writing, for all our sakes.
which one of these 10 do you most love? why?
#3: “your self esteem is not going to arrive by email.” loved this. Especially in our Social media-saturated world
me too Kara….this one hit me!
i love that one, too, KJ. SUCH a powerful reminder that nothing is going to arrive that will fill us entirely. has to happen from the inside out. not outside in. too good.
Yes, yes, and yes. Annie’s books are full of wonderfully relevant wisdom. Hits home, and thanks for the reminder as I start my writing day.
hope your writing time was productive and inspiring . . . or at the very least, you sat down and got some work done. all we can ask most days. yes, her words often hit us right where we need it!
Thanks so much for these reminders of the wisdom of Anne Lamott.
My favorite is No. 8: “publication has nothing for you; the gift is the writing”, although I would add that the ultimate gratification comes when the writing has a reader that it touches in some way.
you’re so welcome! i feel like i need to cross stitch this list and hang it in my home or something.
yes, #8 is amazing. such an important reminder each and every day. and i agree with you . . . there is something so amazing and fulfilling about knowing that your words reach across the page or screen into another’s life and help them to feel less alone. the power of writing, if you ask me. thank you, sharen!
2. “sometimes you’re not blocked, you’re empty.” This makes sooo much more sense to me, I’m surprised I didn’t think of it sooner! (I might have been blocked.)
ha! exactly . . . how many times have i been trying to solve a problem or get through an issue in my writing (or life) and i just can’t get to a resolution, an answer, any clarity. then i remember that perhaps i’m empty — spent, exhausted, on ZERO. and i try to make an effort to fill up in the ways that work for me . . . often, beginning with SLEEP . . . and it’s pretty incredible how that small shift in perspective can make the hugest difference. here’s to filling up today!!! thank you, simone.
2! 6,7 and 9!! I love AL… thanks for this… <3
it’s so cool how these bits of wisdom resonate differently with each of us — how someone might need to hear #1 today. someone else, #9. universal truth! thank you, betty!
#1 ~ “we thought they would be a little more like cats.” Operating Instructions saved me when I was a pregnant single mom ~ so afraid of making a mistake,so afraid. I prayed,and prayed for guidance . I went to the library,and Operating Instrustions literally fell off the shelf at my feet. I opened the book to page 100,and read the ‘five rules of the world.’ Everything changed for me in that moment,and I knew I had made the right decision. If that isn’t divine intervention,I don’t know what is.
So maybe,my quote would be ” the most subversive,revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life,and not be ashamed.” I will forever be indebted to Anne Lamott . Great article! Thank you ~
I was so touched by your post!
love the story of operating instructions literally falling at your feet! amazing how the right voice at the right time can be such a companion to us — through a book of all things! that’s the most powerful thing ever. so thankful you found a friend during such a fearful time. motherhood for me has been a bit treacherous and i’ve been thankful for AL’s truth telling on that subject as much as anything. thank you, april! inspiring.
Two of my favorite authors combined! Thanks Leanna
yeah!!! thanks, lindsay! so grateful to have you as a reader and participant on this blog. hope something on this list inspired you to take on the day with grace and love!
It’s all wonderful and life changing. Love the comment, “you changed everything for me” Ditto. #2. Allowing the big hole we all have to be filled back up! Beautiful!
yes, jim! i hate it when i slowly become aware that i am living out of the big hole instead of living out of the abundance, the healing, the Truth. the hole is so dark and so gaping at times. trusting that healing is possible . . . slow, steady. thank you, jim!
Wonderful! Thank you for sharing. I did a little happy dance in my mind when I saw that Anne herself linked to this blog post on Facebook today. Woo hoo!
thank you, pattie, precious friend!! you are a gift. thank you for all the many ways you have supported me! indebted and grateful.
Looking to be filled from the outside was my MO for ever. Then I crashed and burned, and realized I had to find the fulfillment peace and purpose within first, and not allow the extreme needs of the world to drain me. I tell my kids to put gas in their tank and to water the garden almost every day. They must tend themselves before they tend others. Thank you AL!! And Leanna
amen, emily! words to live by. so many of us have spent so much energy trying to be liked, loved, adored, noticed. these words remind us that we’re not going to be able to find an external source that will heal us. love your reminders to your kids. that’s amazing . . . how can raise kids who internalize these truths for themselves. a challenge!!! thank you, emily.
I have no idea why, no specific “ahha” from this but boy…it refreshed me!
refreshment arrives through the side door sometimes. you never know what might speak to you. love that this breathed life into your day. thank you, debbie.
As a Christian, recovery alcoholic, I love pretty much everything that AL puts into words….everything that is good IS from within. Once I wrapped my mind around that one, my life is more full than I could have ever imagined. Thank you!!!
*recovering*
yes, carole. love the truths of recovery and how AL has weaved them into her work. inspiring to us all! thank you, carole!!
As a lover of Anne Lamott, I’m glad to see these 10 put into a succinct list! I think I most love #2–”Sometimes you’re not blocked, you’re just empty.” So true. Finding/making space for ourselves to refuel, live and reflect is a challenge that leaves us empty and devoid of anything to say of value.
so so true, jeanie. especially the part about “finding the time” . . . it often feels like there isn’t enough time to create space for our souls. but everything just implodes when we don’t. i’m (re)learning that constantly. thank you, jeanie!!
I agree with all of these! I would add to the list something AL said in an earlier book, when she thought about joining a cause she felt strongly about, but maybe she would wait until she got it all together before she showed up. Her pastor told her, you wn’t get it together UNTIL you show up. Which has resonated for me ever since, and I think it echoes through many of the items on this list and much of her writing. From this list, I need to work on #6, “guilt free afternoons”! Such a great list! Thanks, Leanna!
so so good. this is exactly how so many of us have approached our relationship with God. i’ll go to him when i have it together. newsflash: that’s never gonna happen! we have to go as we are. so painful to be wounded, broken. and yet, there’s something so freeing in all that, too. to know that we can come to the table as we are and still receive love and grace. thank you for re-reminding me of all that, joann. this is rich! now we all need a guilt free afternoon!
Thank you for this post! I didn’t think I could write until I read “Bird by Bird.” Silly me!! I loved writing but thought a writer was someone..uh..well…not me. All that changed when I picked up that book and I starting taking index cards with me everywhere and writing whatever I felt wanted to be written. Never published anything…but I am a writer.
Caren
amen and amen, caren! so liberating and affirming. you’re a writer because you write!!! amazing. hope you fill a few index cards today . . . with beauty, truth, humor. thank you, caren!
Love this! Love them all, but #8 gives me goosebumps. Really needed the reminder today. Anne Lamott is a gift.
well, goosebumps are always a sure sign of something important! yes, #8 is a butt-kicker. am in this for the “paycheck” (emotional, financial, or otherwise) or am i in this for the transformation. it’s ok to want to be affirmed in your craft, i believe, but how much are we counting on that affirmation to make us whole. slippery slope. thank you, megan!
“sometimes you’re not blocked, you’re empty”
This is a good reminder that it’s not about forcing things to happen by staring harder at my computer screen and then getting frustrated when all I can seem to do is refresh Facebook. I have a drawer full of multi-colored ultra fine Sharpie’s . . . even in the photographer world, it wouldn’t hurt to bring them out once in a while and see what manifests.
amen! i love those pens. somehow they just unleash something beautiful and inspiring in me. nothing like writing on a blank page in orange and turquoise and hot pink. brings life alive. living color. so thankful for you, kiks, and your creative spirit. here’s to filling up!!!! love and more love.
my ninteen year old still repeats sams quote when he wants something..”beautiful, perfect thin mommy”…always cracks us up
if i could only raise my son (3 years old currently) to say such beautiful things! a mothering triumph! thank you, liz. i’m laughing and loving it.
And the acronym a”WAIT” why am I talking?
another one to cross stitch and hang in my living room!!! especially as a mother and wife. TOO easy to start in when what i need to do is WAIT. will take this into my day, weekend, life. thank you, dominique!!!
#2 “sometimes you’re not blocked, you’re empty”
I feel like this could apply to any person, anywhere. I work in the nonprofit world and there is a constant striving to share your cause in new and inspiring ways so that you can change your community. After nearly a decade with the same organization, I needed this reminder that you have to reacquaint yourself to your cause in fresh and real way, for you to be able to share those experiences with others. Absolutely priceless. Thank you for giving me eyes to see this truth.
love this: “reacquaint yourself with the cause” . . . yes! sometimes stepping away from the computer, stepping back, remembering why it was all so important in the first place is the best thing you can do for your work. i will use that line for writing, too. it’s time for me to turn off the computer, get out into the world, and REACQUAINT MYSELF WITH THE CAUSE! as you said, priceless. thank you so much, T. love upon love.
Shitty first drafts. She gave me permission to write really awful, shitty, first drafts. LOVE my Anne.
exactly!!! what a revolutionary concept. to love ourselves, and to receive love from God and others, in the midst of the shitty first drafts. this applies so well to motherhood, too, for me. some days are the equivalent of a shitty first draft. how can i be kind to myself even when i feel like i’m doing things so badly. are we able to accept love in the midst of our shitty-ness. a tall order for me, anyway. thank you so much, amber!
#1: Having kids. I figured if things got a little out of hand as a mom, I could always draw from my popular and reliable bag of babysitting tricks. They worked when I was 14. EZPZ
)
oh man, do i get it. underestimating motherhood . . . epic. love your comment and the honesty of it. we were all so starry eyed and full of optimism . . . and then we weren’t.
so much messier, harder, amazing, crazy than i would have ever expected. still very much in the trenches on this one. have not graduated from angst entirely. glad i’m not alone! thank you, deborah!!
[...] What’s New Poetic Possibilities Wise Reminders May 3, 2012 · Add Comment · I recently read a blog post sent to me by my sister Wendy. It was called 10 things I’ve learned from Anne Lamott. [...]
so glad this post inspired you today, jane. yes, there’s nothing like the feel of the paper in hand . . . going to town on the edits with an actual pen. such an important part of the process, for me. thank you, jane!
So perfectly timed as I embark on an attempt to renew a daily practice of writing. I needed all of these just now! Thank you!
so glad this came to you at the right time, becca. fair winds and following seas as you try to get a bit of work done each day. i know all kinds of resistance can arrive to keep you from your writing time, so here’s to some intentional time of reflection and expression! thank you, becca!
#9
The material knows what it needs to becom; create a safe space for it to arrive.
I love this! I often try to “strangle” things into existence on my terms and i miss out on the beauty of what something could be. My agenda gets in the way. I need to remember I am not the creator but rather enjoy the beauty around me and watch the paintings of life unfold!! Thank you Lee….love and miss u dearly!!
so so good, tates. so true. and i miss you, too. it’s so easy to try to move things along on our own terms instead of letting things unfold. so hard to be the right amount proactive and the right amount patient. hope today you’re able to keep in step, to pace with grace (as Joje would say). love.
[...] yesterday we talked about how a certain person has inspired us — the great guru-turned-grandmother, Anne Lamott. today, tell me how a place has inspired you, changed you, challenged you, turned you inside out, met you. the place could be somewhere on a map or just someplace you’ve been in your soul. either way. what place has changed everything for you? can’t wait to hear. [...]
I especially love #2 as well… it applies not only to art, but to life. We somehow easily forget how important life-giving and soul-filling activities are for our daily well being as well as art. I also love #9- create a space for the material to become what it is to become. Love it. I’ve only read Traveling Mercies… guess I’ll have to start on another of her works!
yes and yes! so hard to give ourselves permission to do those life-giving and soul-filling activities. but they are not a luxury. they are a necessity!!! especially if we are trying to nurture a creative life. may today contain a bit of creative space for you, laurie!
I like #5: definately learned a lot about myself and my family when forced to slow down and check out lizards or invisible wounds requiring bandades.
so true, elyse. life through a child’s eyes always illuminates something. amazing the things they notice and cherish and run after. love it.
I’m currently reading her newest book, and the thing I am identifying with his that I am not the “Higher Power” of the people I love, and have to let God be that. Even if they make choices that scare the heck out of me.
that is so huge, cynthia. i don’t have to be anyone else’s HP. i have to release others into God’s hands. revolutionary. i have a feeling that one will be a life-long parenting lesson.
thank you!
9. “the material knows what it needs to become; create a safe space for it to arrive”
I have loved AL since college! Her writing makes me feel more sane:)
i’ve been face-to-face with that #9 lately, working on my proposal for my second book. i have needed to trust that the right clues will arrive at the right time. hard to believe and keep the faith, but if i will just show up each day, the right ideas will ultimately show themselves. thank you, kaja!
On #10: I wish my school teachers would have seen my daydreaming as potential greatness instead of always griping to my folks about it! They should have made me write down my daydreams. Instead I was trained to fight them in the name of “focus.”
amen, bonnie! i am having to unlearn the importance of efficiency in this very same way. yes, efficiency and focus are important things, but they can’t always be the ultimate values. we lose something when we don’t allow ourselves some room to think and breathe and stare off. good for you, bonnie! and thanks!
“efficiency cannot be the #1 priority of the artist.” That, combined with discounting the voice of perfectionism, took me years to begin to understand.
Thanks for a great summation of AL!
As a father of 5, I am of course tempted to say that #1 I Love the most. However…as a recovering ‘human doing’ I’m also drawn to sometimes just being…empty. And, it’s OK
thank you for this post
I feel like I have been reminded of some very important things that I had half forgotten. Anne Lamott is amazing- but I also wanted to say- so are you… Really love your way with words and I’m so glad I found your site x
Love the list. That routine is so important, as is writing for the writing and not for fame or fortune or publishing.
I enjoyed your article – thanks! I’ve also recognized that emptiness as a block to my art, etc. – I have nothing to say.
And I have to say, I did think having kids would be more like having cats, until of course I had kids
.
#7 – Perfectionism…I struggle with self judgment and perfectionism all the time and we all know how judging others and situations is a block to creativity. Not only for myself but I know that my children are watching me and am beginning to see this trait in them. I am not proud of this and continually attempt to just let it go!
Although I love all 10….this one speaks to me.
#2 sometimes you’re not blocked, you’re empty. Yep. And when you’re empty, doesn’t matter how hard you work, you’ve still got nothing!
WOW. I needed to hear almost all of these! Great blog!
[...] 10 things i’ve learned from Anne Lamott – Gypsy Ink [...]
[...] me, many of you resonated with the anne lamott-ism I shared in a recent post: “sometimes you’re not blocked, you’re empty.” For all of us who are desiring to [...]
Wow, this was amazing. I needed a refresher on all of these. Thanks so much for writing this!
9. “the material knows what it needs to become; create a safe space for it to arrive” Thanks for posting Leanna. Finding time, creating the space; this is where it is at for me right now. So many distractions. I am helped by AL’s wisdom here and working towards just writing a bit each day and reviewing the next.
I like that blog site layout . How was it made!? It is rather nice!
Oh boy. I’ve got all 10 points down pat. I never did think that having a child would be anything like having a cat, for Pete’s sake. I’m a registered nurse and I was terrified when I brought that first child home.
Maybe being an RN was part of the problem: I knew too much.
The first child was born in Switzerland under strict Swiss rules. She is seriously orderly.
The other three are seriously not. They were born in Miami, under no comprehensible rules whatsoever. It was probably just me, but I did try and Miami didn’t help.
They speak Spanish out of necessity. My French is all mixed up with Spanish and some rusty Latin, and is no earthly use to anyone.
Nevertheless, the Swiss Alps is the place I go mentally, and when possible physically, to regain peace and serenity. I just think about eating fresh fish with a little white wine on Lake Geneva, and I’m pretty much there. Add cow bells and the best cared for bovine on the face of the earth and it gets that much better.
The cows in Swizerland are treated better than most humans on the rest of the planet. All creatures, great and small, should be treated this well.
Actually, you can keep the roaches.
My children have grown up a bit and actually went off to university without diapers. For a while there I wasn’t sure.
They are so grown up that they have all left home and are managing to make their own way and get paid for it.
Hallelujah. (Did I say that?)
Hallelujah. I did say that.
Naturally, I look forward to being a grandmother someday and sending them home at night to their parents. He, he, he.
All the quadrupeds are out of the house, except for one neurotic cat. You cannot imagine the menagerie I once had. You absolutely cannot imagine.
My husband once offered to get me a snake. “Not if you value your life, my friend.” No snakes. No, no, no.
One of my children has Tourette’s Syndrome and had and has special needs.
God used every one of them to keep me severely humble and remarkably wise.
I now have the freedom to write.
Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I’m free at last. I said that once in front of the best African-American secretary that ever walked. her name was Annie.
I said, “I’m sorry, Annie. those lines belong to you.”
She said, “No they don’t. They are for everyone.”
They are for everyone. Annie said so.
Deborah Wallis Binnie
[...] an absolute GAS that Anne Lamott herself found my original “10 things I’ve learned from Anne Lamott” post and linked to it a few times over the last month, calling it “Annie 101.” [...]
#4 and #7 are a bitch. Thanks for posting these. I needed to read her reassurance that the greener grass is not going to fix me.
[...] Bloggers share what’s happening behind the scenes of their polished online lives. | 10 things I’ve learned from Anne Lamott. | David Mamet’s Memo to Writers, notable for many things including his perfect use of [...]